For those of you that don't know me personally or haven't seen me in person you need to know that God threw about 6 different sized body parts onto my body to walk around with the rest of my life..real funny big guy real funny. I am 5'2 and a 1/2". My dear friend Krysta informed me one afternoon at the H&M dressing rooms that she's always noticed I was short but she never noticed it was due to my lack of legs. And I quote, "it's like your upper body grew to an adult size but you have the legs of a 13 year old". I don't know how any of you looked at 13 but I have no desire to go through that awkward turtle phase again. I've decided it's just my hip to knee ratio that's small. I have baby hands with ghetto thighs and huge boobs. There I said it. I look like a short stack of pancakes. Get the visual? Good!
Moving on. Or moving back to the character I ran into today. With my body dimensions in mind please be prepared for the mental movie I'm about to play for you. My friend and I were rushing through the mall before they closed to get back to our car after our movie and I turn the corner just as a Mexican family with about 9,437 chubby prepubescent boys is coming from the opposite direction and BOOM the little stuffed chile relleno runs face first right into the cleavage of my v-neck dress!! I am mortified. I feel violated. I'm afraid I can go to jail for this. My face is as red as a freakin' jalapeno. AND THE DAD IS JUST LAUGHING. Lord help me if I ever have a son one day that runs into some young girl's rack.
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