Sunday, August 28, 2011

Sorry I've been a pail of fail everyone!

Sorry I've been MIA for a few weeks. School started. I became a part time nanny. My entire sleeping pattern changed. It's been a little chaotic over here! None the less, its time for some catchup and mustard time. You all had that in elementary school right?? :) 

Lets talk college. Lets talk about my embarrassing second day of school.. I am almost 21 years old and still do the clumsy and embarrassing things you do in the second grade. I spilt balsamic vinaigrette all over my crotch while eating lunch in between classes. {Insert the applause and laughs here} I spilt the dressing which also took down some feta cheese and pine nuts with it into my lap. It was a really attractive scene down there. Cue me rushing to bathroom to splash myself with water in which it looks like I just peed myself to girls just entering the bathroom. Great. Follow that with me trying to get my stumps of legs to magically hoist me high enough to reach the blow of the dryer to my crotch. No such magic happened. Welcome back to school!

On a more serious note, I will be graduating within the next year and a half and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life or my degree. Yay. Game plan? Runaway to Europe until I find a rich hunky husband that can't speak English so I don't have to listen to him the rest of my life OR stay in school until there's actually jobs available for me to decide on having. Which would you choose?!

Nannying: the best birth control known to man. I won't be procreating until I can afford full time help. No exceptions. I really do adore the kids I care for but oh my goodness I want to know who puts quarters in these kids before I pick them up from school. My 8 year old pointed out, without hesitation, my zits and their exact location and proceeded to ask if I already regretted having a tattoo because I did that to my body. Sheesh.

Hope the new school year or change of season brings you lots of laughs! PS I promise I'll be putting up more pictures; I know I'm a slacker.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

She's so silly, sometimes I just wanna kiss her

Last night I had an impromptu girls' night with one of my best friends who's been spending her life on the other side of the planet (or the other side of Phoenix). Either way she's been too far to torture me at the gym  or feed me as is the usual routine. Counter productive? Eh, maybe. We're girls. Our satiety levels don't determine whether we eat or not! She came over with the intent of picking me and my nutrition homework up to go spend some time on the treadmill. Instead, we ate. She actually sneak attacked me with the food. Once we decided to eat pizza instead of sweating it out she said she was running downstairs to get her wallet and phone. 10 minutes later she's still MIA and as I'm about to call her since she's already ignored the "where are you text?!" message she waltz's through the door with rootbeer, frozen pizza and brownies!! Freakin' genius decides it's quicker for her to drive to Safeway and get the goods then us ordering. God I love her.

I feel how I met this lovely lady will provide a good moral of the story for the "that relationship with the douchebag was a waste of time" feeling.. I gained her amazing friendship through her brother whom I dated for over a year. Now, he's not a douche bag (most of the time) and it definitely wasn't a waste of time. Besides all the things I gained and learned from him, which I'll have to save for another blog, I gained a friend that I now consider to be a sister. (LA fitness thinks we're sisters, you're welcome for your discounted rate ;) ) She's introduced me to the most fabulous nail salon, Thai Elephant, the Christmas Idea House and we've had more laughs and cries than I could ever begin to thank her for. So if you've recently gone through a break up, take a look around and I bet you'll be able to find something or someone that you've gained from the relationship that you wouldn't trade for the world.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Today I feel Blah.

Yep. I'm having one of those days where I just feel icky. Not enough to be knocked out in bed but just enough that you feel like you could throw up if you laugh too, huh? On days like this I pretty much just watch my favorite d.i.l.f. for hours on end, Mr. Detective Elliot Stabler on Law & Order:SVU. YES, PLEASE! Or I watch the most nerdiest documentaries ever known to man kind. I could tell you all about lyme disease. Or the lack of nutritional education M.D.'s receive which I actually find quite troubling. Nutrient deficiency's are what cause most of our health problems in this country (see all that Nutrition reading is paying off people!) yet are primary care doctors receive very little training in nutrition. Here comes the tree hugger voice again but I'd much rather be given an extra dose of strawberries than a huge nasty horse pill making some fatty drug exec rich. I'm considering doing a modified fruit/veggie juice cleanse. I'd eat a hearty, healthy breakfast and then have two servings of the fruit and veggie juice for lunch and dinner. Has anyone ever done one?! Did you like it? Was it difficult? Let me know!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Oh, the people you run into.

I ran into quite the character today, let me tell you. 

For those of you that don't know me personally or haven't seen me in person you need to know that God threw about 6 different sized body parts onto my body to walk around with the rest of my life..real funny big guy real funny. I am 5'2 and a 1/2". My dear friend Krysta informed me one afternoon at the H&M dressing rooms that she's always noticed I was short but she never noticed it was due to my lack of legs. And I quote, "it's like your upper body grew to an adult size but you have the legs of a 13 year old". I don't know how any of you looked at 13 but I have no desire to go through that awkward turtle phase again. I've decided it's just my hip to knee ratio that's small. I have baby hands with ghetto thighs and huge boobs. There I said it. I look like a short stack of pancakes. Get the visual? Good!

Moving on. Or moving back to the character I ran into today. With my body dimensions in mind please be prepared for the mental movie I'm about to play for you. My friend and I were rushing through the mall before they closed to get back to our car after our movie and I turn the corner just as a Mexican family with about 9,437 chubby prepubescent boys is coming from the opposite direction and BOOM the little stuffed chile relleno runs face first right into the cleavage of my v-neck dress!! I am mortified. I feel violated. I'm afraid I can go to jail for this. My face is as red as a freakin' jalapeno. AND THE DAD IS JUST LAUGHING. Lord help me if I ever have a son one day that runs into some young girl's rack. 

Monday, August 1, 2011

Proof that I was meant to be an urbanite.

Here comes my tree hugger voice. Hear me roar.

Over the weekend I had to dish out 200 bucks on car maintenance and repairs. The actual recommendation for repairs was over $600 but I haven't mustered up the courage to become a web-cam model yet so that cash wasn't just sittin' pretty in my bank account. 

I want to express how much I hate cars. They're expensive, stress me out (both driving them and being in them) and are HORRIBLE for both the environment and this country's economic crisis. Ya, I'm gettin' political. I'm in college - Im supposed to get all crazy about shit like this. If we weren't so "dependent" on the oil in the Middle East do you think we'd still have our troops over there risking their lives to reform a region's government that they may or may not want in the first place? Do you have any idea how much debt the war puts us in? 

Scientifically speaking, we are not, I repeat - NOT dependent on oil for a source of fuel. We've got some smart cookies in the labs these days. And I'd be willing to bet they're kinda cute too (Completely irrelevant but I just want to throw it out there that lanky scientists with borderline jew 'fros are my favorite kind of male) Anyways, the unfortunate news for our clean air and checking accounts is that politics rules and it'll be longer than a day away before we see some change. 

In the mean time - I highly suggest you get yourself a bitchin' beach cruiser. Mine's bright yellow with a floral printed bell and a basket. Biking makes your butt look good and you don't have to buy gas. SCORE. Man oh man I cannot wait until I'm living in NY walking everywhere and freezing out the allergies in my head.